Today was a rainy day. It was wet and cold, and I had to go to the campus. I love it when it drizzles, but when it pours, urgh! Especially when I have to drive! Triple urgh! But I had to, had to get the timetable for next semester, borrow some books and print some lesson materials (which I didn’t have the chance to do due to bringing the wrong thumbdrive. bzzt. bzzt). But I got a pleasant surprise! Yours truly is invited to a staff dinner! Yay! (or not).

I’m not so keen on going to the dinner, but there are some factors to be considered:

1. The invitation card was so design-kool (to the college’s standards. lol)

2. The venue of the dinner is at the new hotel, Pullman Kuching.

3. I should expand my networking in the educational world (Kuching’s world, that is)

4. I should try to meet other people.

BUT. There are other ‘thank you for inviting me, but I’m not available on the said weekend’ factors as well:

1. It’d be too depressing.

2. I only know 3 people, and they may be sitting at different tables.

3. The theme is ‘Elegant’, and I’m sure ain’t it.

4. I don’t feel like going.

So there you go! I don’t feel like going, so I am definitely NOT going!

Next!

p.s: wow. tonight is the eve of the new year’s eve. adieu 2009!

I went to Techno Graphic today and bought a bunch of art supplies. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in an art store. (I missssss Nelsen!) I went there without having anything in mind to purchase, but ended up paying RM97. LOL.

I hope this little art project of mine is going to pay off. I hadn’t practice my artsy fartsy skills for about two years now, so I guess I’m a bit rusty. Oh well, it’s not like I’ve anything better to do, right? Non-existent social life. Hah! I hope Jakarta and Kota Kinabalu will in a way ease my heartbreak a little. It’s a healing process, so it’s going to a sloooowwwwww and (not so) painful process. Maybe the art project will help. Sigh. *Fingers crossed*

Although I’m sooo excited for Jakarta, I’m nervous as well. I’ve done some research on the stores that I have to go to so hopefully I wouldn’t lose my way. I’m confident about my sense of direction, but this is my first solo travel, and I am a bit..not to say afraid, but I’m a bit cautious. Heh. Kota Kinabalu wouldn’t be that much problem I guess, but we never know.. hehe.

Lecturing, traveling, art project(s), and small businesses here and there. I hope that will help to ease the pain. If not, then I’m in trouble. What did they say again about a bird that flew away and not meant to be? Well, that sucks.

I’ve not one, but TWO trips confirmed for January! Yay! Jakarta is soooo happening in mid January, and KK is going to be confirmed by tomorrow. The only thing I need to do now is confirm with Tune Hotels. I’m against credit cards, but it’s times like this that I wish I had one. Or two, or three lol. I’m a bit nervous, though. Traveling abroad solo could be a little scary. But heck, I’m doing it anyways.

I’m still wondering about the 28th. Will he be here? I still have my hopes high, but something tells me he’d disappoint me. Sigh. There’s nothing else I can do. I’ve tried and I’ve did my best. It’s all in his hands now. If he shows up, I’ll be happiest woman alive. But if he doesn’t, then I’ll have to face the truth. Whatever that may be.

Nevertheless, I’ve January to look forward to. Travel is what I love most so travel I must.

Au Revoir!

Could it get any worst?

Apparently YES.

It’s like being sucked into a black hole of misery; where all the miseries are competing on who can ‘bring her the most misery’. Everybody’s winning and everybody’s enjoying themselves except for yours truly.

So I’m ending my social life. I’ve lost faith in friendships and romantic relationship. I guess I should be like everybody else; I should be selfish and put myself first.

I’ll try my best not to care about anyone else but myself and my family. And I can’t wait for 2009 to be over. 2009 was like 2006, times a million.

p.s: I’ve explained and explained and explained, and still you don’t understand. You don’t or you don’t want to, I wonder.

Happy 28th Birthday Saiful Anwar Ramli!

<3

Countless of unanswered calls and text messages. Tears flowing like the river Nile. Pride out of the window. Life passes me by while Time is standing still.

Fate had a great time fucking me up. He came twice.

All I got was a sore ass.

Maybe I asked for it.

YOU MURDERED ME WITH YOUR DECISION. SO NOW I’M DEAD.

This is song is the soundtrack of how I am feeling right now. It’s a bit depressing, but hey, it suits the moment just right. Couldn’t find the official video for it though, only the cover version. Enjoy.

“It’s Not Over”

My tears run down like razorblades and no, I’m not the one to blame: it’s you or is it me?
And all the words we never say come out and now we are all ashamed. And there is no sense
In playing games, when you done all you can do.

But now it’s over, it’s over. Why is it over? We had the chance to make it. Now it’s over,
It’s over. It can’t be over. I wish that I could take it back, but it’s over.

I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right. I cry, I cry. I’m
Shaking from the pain that’s in my head. I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away
The life I led. But I won’t let it die. But I won’t let it die.

But it’s over, it’s over. Why is it over? We had the chance to make it. Now it’s over,
It’s over. It can’t be over. I wish that I could take it back.

I’m falling apart, I’m falling apart. Don’t say this wont last forever. You’re breaking
My heart, you’re breaking my heart. Don’t tell that we will never be together. We could be over
And over, we could be forever.

I’m falling apart, I’m falling apart. Don’t say this wont last forever. You’re breaking
My heart, you’re breaking my heart. Don’t tell that we will never be together. We could be over
And over, we could be forever.

It’s not over. It’s not over, it’s never over, unless you let it take you, it’s not over,
It’s not over, it’s not over, unless you let it break you. It’s not over.

If bad things come in threes, things will be better for me from now on (fingers crossed, touch wood). I have tried to be positive and kept telling myself ‘things happen for reasons’. I am tired of making excuses for myself. I am tired of being tired.

Trying to avoid The Monster-Me taking control of yours truly, I picked up the magazines I bought during my rare ‘visit’ to the Satok pasar malam (night market) last Saturday night. I’m a pasar malam junkie, but I’ve sobered up in Kuching. Why? Because there is only one pasar malam in Kuching. The one that is worth going to, anyways.

The three magazines, with the front covers ripped off, are .net’s Summer and August issue, and Web Designer’s When Twitter Goes Bad issue. All of which I paid for only RM9 after the 50cent discount lol. What a bargain! I thank the Rip-All-The-Zines-Cover Uncle for the ‘discount’ and told him ‘ok ha Uncle, next week saya datang lagi ha’ lmao.

I left all of my art books in Sri Kembangan and the magazines will definitely in some way help me with next semester’s lessons. I plan to keep going back to the pasar malam Uncle for more magazines. Ohhh I miss Basheer so much! And Kinokuniya, and Borders! Ohhh I remember I would get extremely excited whenever Basheer opens a booth in MMU! Ooo how much I miss being a student!

p.s: I have RM30 in my adidas wallet. How should I spend it? McDonald’s Batu Tiga!

Since I’d be all alone during the new year’s, I figure I’d best be planning ahead. And since I have a return airasia ticket to an unknown destination that is worth RM450, all I have to do is choose a destination and call airasia for the necessary procedures. So, where should I go ay? First in mind is Kota Kinabalu, but I’d be going on a road trip there with the Family. Second was KL, but that would be too depressing so it’s best if I’ll skip KL. Third was Singapore, but dear Mimi has gone M.I.A since the last three weeks.

Not knowing where to go, I decided to check any available flights from Kuching to any destinations. So first choice would be Jakarta which will cost me RM375 – that is still under budget, and the currency rate is cheaper so I guess it’s OK. Second would be Macau. Macau’s a little bit expensive for me. Maybe next time.

Wow. First time traveling abroad alone. Wow. Am I really doing this? Really? There’s always a first time for everything!